Choosing new ways to part my hair: setting boundaries for success and self care

After 3 years of intermittent contract work, in February, I finally landed a full-time gig.  I was excited and grateful for the job, as it’s a very good position that would give me the opportunity to learn and gain new skills.  (Not to mention, it was nice to finally have some steady predictable income!)

However, ever since I started my new job, my personal ventures have suffered, in terms of the amount of time and dedication I’ve been able to commit to them. To say that I’ve been struggling to balance the demands of my job while trying to manage the blog, book, and business would be an understatement!

For the past 4 months, I’ve been feeling like, wow, I just can’t win“: now that I finally have the money, I don’t have the time; and when I had the time, I didn’t have the money!

I was getting really stressed out, trying to figure how I was going to get everything done, and feeling like I was failing.  I was so stressed out that it was impacting my ability to get good sleep, resulting in chronic fatigue; I also kept getting sick; then, most recently, I started getting back-to-back migraines, which I’ve never experienced before; and, generally, I was feeling like crap.

I knew it was bad when my husband (who is low-key pro-workaholism) told me to STOP! To stop stressing myself out; to stop beating myself up; and to start giving myself credit for what I had been accomplishing, despite my huge workload.  I tried to take his advice but still found myself struggling to give myself permission to relax and recalibrate, especially knowing that I wasn’t on top of everything. The over-achiever in me would not let me be okay with allowing some of the balls I had in the air to drop.  So I literally had to pray about it.  I had to ask God to help me find peace in the midst of the madness because I really didn’t know what to do or how to handle it.

And since I started praying about it, I started receiving the same following messages from various sources: 1) Life is about choices, 2) Boundaries are necessary, and 3) Prioritize yourself.

1. Life is about choices: I’m realizing that I can choose to be miserable or I can choose to be happy.  I can choose to be stressed out or I can choose to pursue peace. Since I don’t want to be miserable and stressed out, I’m making the choice to be content with my situation and to make the best of it.

2.  Boundaries are necessary: I’m realizing that as much as I’d like to excel at my job, working every evening and every weekend was negatively impacting my well-being- and my body started acting up as a result to get my attention. My husband was also getting annoyed because we weren’t spending quality time together anymore (one of his Love Languages; one of mine too!)  So now I’m making a concerted effort to try to leave work at work, to carve out time for not only myself, but also for my husband, family, friends, and loved ones, and to do the things that I like to do that bring me joy.

3. Prioritize yourself: I’m also realizing that if I don’t prioritize my ventures, who will? In addition to making time to take care of myself, I recognize that I need to make time to take care of my personal projects, if I want them to succeed. And I do want them to succeed, so I recognize it’s time to take a new approach.


I thank all of you who have continued to support me during my unexpected hiatus.  Thank you for encouraging me to keep going, to keep writing, to keep blogging, in spite of.

Thank you to my siblings for praying with and for me.  Thanks to my aunts and uncle for your pep talks.

Thank you to my wonderful husband for speaking sense to me, for believing in me, for pushing me when I’m ready to give up, and for carrying me when I feel like I have nothing left!

It’s time for this over-achiever to get a new look; so, here’s to parting my hair a new way!

Here’s to setting boundaries for future success and self care!




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